About Me

My name is Fran and I live in Durham, North Carolina, with my husband Forest and two sons who are 5 and 7. I work full time from home as a Clinical Operations Director for a small biotechnology company. In this job I oversee the delivery of clinical trials for my company - it sounds boring but it is stimulating and exciting work. My husband also works full time from home as a Software Engineer. I will share more about our life and story in future posts, but for now that gives you a general idea.

There are certain things about my life that make this kind of travel possible and I want to acknowledge right of the bat that this is not the case for everyone. If you can I highly recommend pursuing these, but sometimes that is not feasible. These things include:

1. Health: This is something we all tend to take for granted, but the only way I can travel at this time is that I am in good mental and physical health and that my family (especially my kids) are not battling serious illnesses.

2. Money: While this trip will not cost an exorbitant amount of money (I will discuss my budget in a future post), you definitely need money to be able to travel. Since I am travelling to see a friend living in Europe most of my costs are flights and the smaller trips we are taking in our time there.

3. Passport/Documentation: This may go without saying, but in order to travel internationally you need the appropriate documentation to do so. While this can seem simple, this is much more challenging to acquire in more rural areas.

4. Ability to take time off/work remotely: This is a big one. I am taking off around 6 working days for this two week trip. I am working a few days and there is a holiday in there too. So many people do not have this luxury.

5. Capable Partner/co-parent: This should not be a luxury, but it seems like it is. I am leaving for two weeks, and I am not preparing lists for my husband or reminding him when the kids have to be certain places. He know these things because he does them on a regular basis. Not only can he do these things, he can do them without me having to tell him what to do. This is something I feel every parent deserves and if you do not have this already I highly recommend finding a way to change this.

Even with all of these things, I still get the same feelings of guilt that seem like an inevitable part of being a parent - especially a mom. I am frustrated that I feel the need to defend myself when wanting to travel is such a universal experience. I am privileged enough to be able to do this and I should be able to do that without guilt. My kids are fine. My husband is fine. Why should I feel guilty? Why is it that we feel like everything we do must primarily benefit our children? Isn't having a mother who pursues the things she wants fervently a benefit to a child? Are my children truly better off if I sacrifice everything for them even when they already have everything they need? Would I want my son to deny himself this experience if he had the opportunity?

I want to explore some of these questions in my time away and hopefully help other parents deconstruct this way of thinking. We all love our kids dearly, but how do we learn to also leave to pursue our own desires when this can feel so discouraged by the world around us. I truly believe that children benefit from having parents that continue to grow and learn through out their lives, but this can be challenging to turn into a reality. I am hoping these reflections will help find practical ways to make that happen.